Sic Transit Academia...

It was all a little too easy and a little too quick. In my frenzy of packing and self-imposed deadlines, I did indeed forget to savor the many "lasts": last time on campus as a student, last moment wearing the cap and gown, last night in my little garret room, last time letting Oscar out to pee and chase cats, last time positioning the trash just so on the curb, last time backing carefully onto the lawn, last time popping microwave popcorn in the world's slowest microwave; the list goes on. Of course, one can never savor such final moments while in the midst of them. I suppose what I can savor is that there were so many sweet, small things to savor - even in the apartment I was sure I hated. My last night was lovely once I let it be. After a sleepy dinner at the Florence Diner with E and M, I bought a six-pack of Newcastle, intending to drink a couple and leave the rest for my roommates. I left E and M at their new house, after a bewildered but fervent goodbye. We have been living in each other's pockets for many months. So much air and space will be a shock.

I was so exhausted from the two previous days (indeed, the previous week) that I feared I would not be able to finish up my packing. I brewed some coffee, called K, and hoped. While I was attempting to rally, C called and wanted to stop by to drop off something I'd left at her house the night before. This was somewhat mysterious, as I hadn't left anything at her house. In a few minutes, she and Em stopped by and dropped off a lovely graduation/vacation package, including bath gel, a well-worn and beloved book, a journal, and a beautiful bath sponge. C's note was perfect and made me feel hopeful about my upcoming time of not-knowing. I felt blessed to have a friend who so perfectly understood my needs and fears at this tremulous juncture. (Yes, I've been reading romance novels aplenty and their language seeps into my blog, spreading corrosive juices into the cracks.)

After C left, I rallied and packed for about 2 hours, finally forcing myself to stop. I made up a bed on the couch, moved Oscar's bed down to the living room, popped some popcorn, and loaded up the bad movie of the evening: Because I Said So. Oscar and I shared the popcorn equally, as he eschewed his bed on the floor for the opposite end of the couch, creeping ever closer in his attempt to get more kernels. The movie was satisfyingly awful, with that odd mix of irreverence and conventionality common to many modern romantic comedies. I did not drink any of the beer, fearing the results. I slept fitfully but well enough and woke reinvigorated enough to finish my packing, load the car, and bid Oscar farewell. I pulled out of the driveway at 12:15pm, only 15 minutes later than my goal. I returned my videos, made a stop at the FP House to drop off more clothes and books, drove past my house one last time to see if the mail had arrived, and got on the Mass Pike around 1pm. I made good time, even in my overloaded car, and arrived at K's house in North Dartmouth a little after 3pm. It is truly astounding how easy it is to shed one life and move on to the next. I've slept and my body has recovered a bit, but my mind lags far behind, casting about for some purchase in this new beginning. I want to nestle back into the comfortable, stimulating, and surprising life I found in South Hadley for the past 3 years, but I am always aware that that specific time is over. Even the passage of a mere 2 days makes it impossible to go back. Man, that's heavy. So, here I am, in this familiar-but-strange in between time, wondering how much I'll be able to enjoy, and what lurks at the other end.